Hey Capcom: Fuck you!
Finally broke down and bought Street Fighter 4, cuz my friends and I enjoyed beating the crap out of each other in SF2 back in the day. Also bought Mega Man 9 on my North American Wii.
Let's start with SF4. I have never been that good at fighters. I know this. I have come to accept this about myself. I just bump the dificulty down to as easy as possible and mash. That is how I roll. If I find that fun, I bump up the difficulty. And so on. What I'm saying is that I will meet a game halfway if it deems to do the same.
There are several difficulty levels to select from in SF4. From Easiest to Hardest. I, of course, chose Easiest. And I had a blast, all foes falling before my barage of upercuts and fireballs and whirlwind kicks and such. Then I went up against Zangief and he fucked me over. Specialed through my shit, grabbed me out of everything. Spammed evey move. Destoyed me.
Congratulations Capcom, you just face fucked the written word. I should have to go out of my way to lose on easiest. Getiing fucked is not "Easiest". So I spammed the fireball and got through. And had no problem with anyone else. No one else even thought to use thier EX specials or Revenge guages or anything. Not even the boss.
So then I take Chun Li for a spin even though I suck at charge based characters. That should not be a problem, though, when set to "Easiest". The very word itself states that no problem shall befall the neophyte gamer. And there were no problems. Until I fought C. Viper. Who fucked me over. Specialed through my shit, grabbed me out of everything. Spammed evey move. Destoyed me.
I changed to Ryu, fucked up the competition, lost intentionally to the boss and then switched to Chun Li to beat the game.
That is fucked up. There are certain characters who are broken on the Easiest setting.
Just to see what would happen, I switched the game from Easiest to Very Easy. The problem characters were still a problem, but markedly less so. Increasing the difficulty made the game easier.
What. The. Fuck. Is. That?
I've got a big ol' bag of dicks for you to suck, Capcom. I will not tell you why I have a big bag of dicks, but I can assure you that this is not a good bag of dicks. They ain't pre-washed and de-viened. No. These are filthy, factory second dicks left out to rot in the sun.
I am pissed off, but also intrigued. How the fuck does such a problem arise? Seriously. How does one or two characters not work on certain difficulty levels?
And to the soggy fucksticks who designed the levels in Mega Man 9: I've got a gallon jug of smegma dip to go with your dick bag.
Let's start with SF4. I have never been that good at fighters. I know this. I have come to accept this about myself. I just bump the dificulty down to as easy as possible and mash. That is how I roll. If I find that fun, I bump up the difficulty. And so on. What I'm saying is that I will meet a game halfway if it deems to do the same.
There are several difficulty levels to select from in SF4. From Easiest to Hardest. I, of course, chose Easiest. And I had a blast, all foes falling before my barage of upercuts and fireballs and whirlwind kicks and such. Then I went up against Zangief and he fucked me over. Specialed through my shit, grabbed me out of everything. Spammed evey move. Destoyed me.
Congratulations Capcom, you just face fucked the written word. I should have to go out of my way to lose on easiest. Getiing fucked is not "Easiest". So I spammed the fireball and got through. And had no problem with anyone else. No one else even thought to use thier EX specials or Revenge guages or anything. Not even the boss.
So then I take Chun Li for a spin even though I suck at charge based characters. That should not be a problem, though, when set to "Easiest". The very word itself states that no problem shall befall the neophyte gamer. And there were no problems. Until I fought C. Viper. Who fucked me over. Specialed through my shit, grabbed me out of everything. Spammed evey move. Destoyed me.
I changed to Ryu, fucked up the competition, lost intentionally to the boss and then switched to Chun Li to beat the game.
That is fucked up. There are certain characters who are broken on the Easiest setting.
Just to see what would happen, I switched the game from Easiest to Very Easy. The problem characters were still a problem, but markedly less so. Increasing the difficulty made the game easier.
What. The. Fuck. Is. That?
I've got a big ol' bag of dicks for you to suck, Capcom. I will not tell you why I have a big bag of dicks, but I can assure you that this is not a good bag of dicks. They ain't pre-washed and de-viened. No. These are filthy, factory second dicks left out to rot in the sun.
I am pissed off, but also intrigued. How the fuck does such a problem arise? Seriously. How does one or two characters not work on certain difficulty levels?
And to the soggy fucksticks who designed the levels in Mega Man 9: I've got a gallon jug of smegma dip to go with your dick bag.
posted by Tyler at 2:43 PM
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